Cloud vs Pokemon
by Dark-Angel-13-UK
Summary: Basically what the title says. See what u think-its my first fic. R


Cloud vs Pokemon: Or Cloud goes mad with his sword

It was a dark and stormy night….. according to the weather program Cloud was watching. After constant arguing with Barrett, he needed a break. All of a sudden in comes the annoyance that is:

Barrett: You stupid $£%^!! What you doing watching the ^$^%£$ tv??!!!

Cloud: IM BORED!!!!!!!!!! (Nicely) And you?

Barrett: PISSED OFF! The damn pokemon are attacking again!!

Cloud: Really? Who are they? What are they?

Tifa enters, with a Pikachu hanging off her leg, gnawing at the bone.

Tifa: (In a high squeaky voice) Get it off! Get it off!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!!

Cloud slashes with his slashy swordy thing, and the mangy little Pokemon disappears, in a writhing mist of pain.

Cloud: Again, what are they?

Tifa: oh you are SOOO behind! They are these really crappy shitty things that are intent on taking over the world with their evil master who you seemed to have left in a ball on the floor……….

Vincent appears out of nowhere as will happen so many times.

Vince: oh fuck they're gonna be after you, y'know?

Cloud: What? Mind confused. Oh, fuck I can hear Yuffie, can't she bugger off somewhere and not return?

Yuffie appears with a Jigglypuff, Cloud quickly hides under the couch.

Yuffie: oh its soo cute!!!!!!

Barrett: oh put the fucking thing down, will'ya?

Yuffie: (in a zombie voice) but its so cute…….why don't you admire the cuteleness?

Cloud: oh shit shes been possessed, if its not tamagotchis its little scuring rats, PUT THE DAMN THING DOWN!!!!

Yuffie: no…..its nice………

Cloud: Ok thats it, this is tooooooo confusing, your gonna die now….

Yuffie: Whaaa…?? Owww (as Cloud slashes her to death)

Vince: ohhh damn I was gonna score with her……..way to go Cloud.

Barrett: can we kill these things already?

Tifa: but they're really cu……(cloud looks at her suspiously and evilly, intend on also slashing her to death) oh better not say that……

In Clouds mind: 

Aeris: HELP!! They're taking over the temple of the ancients!!! Save me cloud!!

Out of Clouds mind:

Cloud: oh bugger, I gotta save you once again…. I gave sephiroth a load of money to kill you for me, and whats he do!! I catch him in the pub and …….ok im gonna stop now. C'mon guys, it looks like we have to aeris AGAIN!!!

Vince: Let us go forth, to the temple of the ancients! But the last time I saw Cid, he was in the Highwind, along with a little furry………..OH NOOOOO!!

Cloud: I think this means we have to walk……….

At the temple of the ancients:

Tifa: (with every step) oww, oww, oww crap my feet hurt!

Cloud: Ok stop complaining, all you do is complain, it's always yack, yack yack, do you ever stop I mean…………Oww (as Tifa whacks him round the head)

Barrett: Ok we're here already, now what?

Suddenly a very scary, yet furry looking Flareon comes out of the building where the big fish disappears off to where ever it is that big fish bugger off to, you know what I'm talking about, right? Well, if you don't it comes out of a room ok?

It decides to burn Vincent to a crisp, with a well placed Flamethrower attack (I don't know pokemon moves really……….as I walk quietly off to the background).

Vincent: owww…

Cloud: Looks like someone needs putting out of their misery…hint hint slashy slashy.

Cloud then proceeds to slash Vincent into a bloody corpse.

Barrett: What is up with you and killing everyone?! If it's not Yuffie, its Vincent, and we all want to know how Cid really died……….

Cloud: Do you WANT to get slashed or not?

Barrett: (slowly moves out of Cloud's reach)……..No……………

The three of them, now that there's only Cloud, Tifa and Barrett left head of to that underground room thingy mabobby, where they find Aeris being gnawed to pieces by various scary pokemon, while in the midst of them all stands a truimphant Ash Ketchum.

Ash: Haahaa!! Go my minions!! Destroy their puny earth and all who resist our obsessive abilities!!

Barrett: What the $^£&?!

Ash: Ahh-haa!! I see some weirdos in the distance, cruisin' for a pokabruisin'!! Go Pikachu! Oh, yeah they killed Pikachu earlier on, fine. Go Bulbasaur!

Bulbasaur: Bulba!!

Ash: Vine whip! Now!

Bulbasaur commences in whacking Tifa on the head with a weird viny thing.

Cloud: Ok, weirdness over.

Cloud proceeds in slashing Bulbasaur into little pieces.

Cloud:……..Cool……………

Ash: Crap! Fine go my minions! Gotta Kill 'Em All!

All the pokemon rush at our three heroes (or heroines whatever you particular feelings are), and proceed to whack them around a bit, until they all get pissed off, and use their ultimate Limit Breaks to finish the buggers off. And then there was one, the little matter of the puny little trainer boy.

Ash: ok, I'm gonna be leaving now………..

Cloud: I think not……………slashy……..slashy…….

The End


End file.
